


Just Like a Pill

by thespacecowboy



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Songfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-20
Packaged: 2018-07-16 04:51:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7253203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thespacecowboy/pseuds/thespacecowboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongin learns that sometimes confessions don't turn out the way you planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Like a Pill

_I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me  
I think I took too much_

Jongin stares up at the ceiling of the practice room and thinks about the chipped paint on the last tile on the left. The ugly brown of the tile stares back at him and he wonders just how long he’s been lying on the floor. Whatever pills he took from the trainee in the bathroom, whose name he always forgets, is starting to make the brown and the white of the tiles fade together and his vision is blurring at the edges. It’s easier to tip his head back, close his eyes and focus on breathing than it is to think about how he ended up here. To think about Kyungsoo.

 

_I haven't moved from the spot where you left me_  
_This must be a bad trip_  
 _All of the other pills, they were different_  
 _Maybe I should get some help_

They said that confessing was supposed to be easy, all those people on the internet. Obviously he didn’t write anything that would even hint to the sasaengs who he was, but even without knowing his real identity he still revived dozens of replies from kind people. After all, who wouldn’t want to encourage someone who’s been in love with his best friend for as long as he could remember to confess? Sure Jongin’s been pierced by the talons of love before, but never like with Kyungsoo. Never before has his heart felt so full and ready to burst that he’s felt both invincible and ready to die at the same time.

Jongin’s been chosen before. By the legions of exo-L who picked him as their bias, but he’s never felt truly chosen like the way he does when they’re up on stage and he sees Kyungsoo’s eyes pass over the thousands in the audience to land on him. He’s never felt more alive or beautiful than in those moments, and that’s why he listened to all those strangers who told him to confess. After all, how could someone who looks at you with that much love not return your feelings?

 

_I can't stay on your life support,  
There's a shortage in the switch_

It turns out they can. The second the words leave his mouth and Kyungsoo’s glass of water shatters as it hits the ground, Jongin knows he’s fucked up. Kyungsoo’s mouth is opening and closing like a fish out of water, and the whites of his eyes seem almost painfully large.

“I didn’t mean that” Jongin huffs out laughing awkwardly, trying and failing to not sound hysterical. “Hyung it was a joke, okay?” As he starts to back up away from Kyungsoo and the broken glass on the floor, Kyungsoo seems to snap out of his shock and takes a step towards Jongin’s retreating form.

“Jongin-ah, I-I thought you knew”, Kyungsoo mutters resting his hand lightly on the younger’s arm as his face schools into something Jongin quickly recognises as pity.

“Knew what?” Jongin asks, as he feels something painful squeeze in his chest and tears start to gather at the edges of his eyes.

“About Chanyeol and me” Kyungsoo whispers, and just like that, the thing in Jongin’s chest explodes and he’s up and running out the door before the tears in his eyes can overflow.

 

_Run just as fast as I can_  
_To the middle of nowhere_  
 _To the middle of my frustrated fears_

Jongin’s brain turns off as he runs and all he can hear is the rush of blood in his veins and the pounding of his feet on the concrete. He loses track of how long he runs before he finds himself outside the back entrance of the SM building. He’s lucky enough to avoid any encounters as he makes his way to the bathroom until he runs into the trainee with the pills. One look at his sunbae’s face makes the trainee offer to share what he has, and before Jongin knows it he’s been lying on the floor of the practice room staring at the ceiling for hours.

The pain in his chest has dulled into a soft throbbing and he feels more relaxed than he has since he joined Exo. The sleepiness is starting to seep into his conscious just like the trainee warned him about and Jongin sighs comfortably as he rests his head back against the wood of the practice room feeling the sweat start to drip from his hair down the sides of his face. He doesn’t know why he’s sweating. Was he dancing to burn off energy? He doesn’t remember. He’ll have to find that trainee if he has to go back to the dorms and face Kyungsoo again. He can deal with a lot of things, but not the image of Kyungsoo’s pity that he still can’t remove from behind his eyelids. He realizes his chest isn’t hurting anymore, and wonders how soon he can get some more.

_I'm crying here, what have you done?  
I thought it would be fun_

Jongin wakes up to the buzz of his phone and 32 missed calls from his members. He scrolls through their names and feels his heart sink and tears pool in his eyes again. Suho, Xiumin, Sehun, Baehkyun, Suho again, Chen, Lay, and even Chanyeol. Kyungsoo didn’t call. Jongin throws his phone against the wall of the practice room and watches it shatter into pieces. He wipes the tears from his eyes and stands up walking out of the practice room, and out of the SM building as he ignores the darkness of the sky and the yellows of the streetlamp. He begins the familiar trek back to the dorm and tries to ignore the nausea building in his stomach. He knows his members will be furious, but he can only think about how the numbness has faded off and how this was supposed to be the best day of his life. He wonders if Kyungsoo noticed he was gone. He wonders if his chest will ever stop hurting.

 

_And I swear you're just like a pill_  
_Instead of makin' me better,_  
 _You keep makin' me ill_


End file.
